"People think that because I am Mexican I come from a place that’s just violence, where everyone’s a bad person, you know what I mean?"
But I don’t feel like that, I’m not a bad person. I’m not a fighter, I don’t do that kind of stuff. The police just stopped me and search me, and question me and all that just because I am walking down the street with a backpack. They really don’t have the right to do that. It’s pretty easy to move on from it when it’s just a regular person just trying to tuck their shirt, because it’s just some weird rando-whatever. But it’s an official person that’s meant to protect you in case something goes bad.
"I’m not supposed to feel afraid of dying that day if I’m being searched just for no reason."
You know what I mean? And that’s what I feel like, I felt like I was going to die either of those two times. Because they were being very aggressive and there’s like nothing I can do. I just have to do what they say and hope for the best, and it’s kind of hard to come back from that. It’s kind of hard to think of a way for it to get taken care of. It’s happened before where police officers get held accountable for that kind of stuff, but then they just get like a slap on the wrist. Nothing major really happens to them. Even with physical evidence, they just don’t really get what they deserve, so it’s kind of hard to think of an idea that would work in society today.
I think it’s different when you see it on a screen and then just scroll by and don’t even think about it later, than when it’s someone you know that goes to this school and that has those feelings, and is afraid of these things that could happen to him because of the color of his skin. It’s right there in front of you so it’s kind of hard to just brush it off. To handle the everyday things for the most part I just don’t think about it, or I try not to think about it. Being hung up on something like that would make everyday kind of unbearable. You know what I mean? So it’s easier to just not think about it, and go about my day and try to act like it never happened, or just focus on something else to just distract myself.
"It happens so much that there’s a problem everyday."
And for you to just try and deal with those problems everyday, and each time it happens, would just be impossible. Most of the time it’ll go nowhere, it will just escalate the situation that doesn’t need to be escalated, and at the end of it you’re not going to change that person’s mind about you by trying to confront them or fight them about it. It’s obviously easier to talk to someone that you care about, and you can tell them calmly, like “hey, whatever you said was kind of iffy.” But even then that’s their view, you know what I mean? It’s kind of hard to change people’s perspectives when their beliefs are set in stone. That’s especially true with someone you don’t know, you’ll just get angry and it will go somewhere it doesn’t need to go and it will change nothing. I just want people to stay strong. Because even after the whole thing with the two officers, I felt ashamed of who I was, because I was just walking by, minding my business, enjoying my day, and then out of nowhere they just stopped me and started confronting me. That’s just because of who I am and how I look, it’s a really shitty feeling, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I don’t want anyone else to feel like that. So if there’s anyone that has ever had that happen to them just stay strong.
"Keep being proud of who you are, like your skin color, or whatever people try to take away from you. Just be proud of it."
I hold onto that pride through my family, where I come from. I’m really proud of where I come from and who I am, because my life would've been totally different, I imagine, if I didn’t have the skin color I have. But I’m proud of it because it made me who I am today. It shaped my beliefs and who I am.
Marcos Cordova