"I wanted to talk about being Native American in this environment. How growing up, I never really connected with it, which was partially because of the diversity of my schools, and also how I felt I didn’t fit in. One time that I really remember is third grade when I had just moved schools into the Clackamas School District where I hadn’t been before. And, looking out at my class, we do have a diverse school system but, my class was primarily hispanic or caucasian and so at first I felt like, “Ok, I can fit in and blend in with the Latino people as they look more like me,” and then trying to hang out with them I realized I wasn’t like them. I didn’t have the same background or culture, language. I just looked like them. I then tried to fit in with the white kids, which also didn’t work out because I looked like a Latino kid and although they didn’t say it, I couldn’t fit in cause I just felt that I was different, I still didn’t look like them.
The equity lessons are definitely a step in the right direction. I would love to see the school do more because I know that there is, sadly, a population in any school that are racist, sexist or homophobic. I wanted to share for this blog when I saw at our diversity assembly that 2% of people at our school are Native American, which I thought would be less. It was surprising to see that there are 2%.
I think people have a romanticized view of Native Americans, but people also don’t really mention us. It isn’t a common topic of conversations. There were a couple events that happened when I was in fourth grade that swayed people in the direction of exaggerating Native American culture.
"There were teacher organized Pow Wows at our Elementary school where we were given paper bags to cut into vests and wrinkle them up to make them look like leather and we had fringes on the bottom and had to wear headbands with feathers in them and we painted our faces, danced around a fake fire and told stories of “bird,” “monkey,” and all that stuff."
It sort of had that “Peter Pan” vibe of the idealism of Native American culture.
I think once we got to high schools the lessons did a good job of telling more of the truth of what happened to the Native Americans. They didn’t say, “Oh, Christopher Columbus came over and had Thanksgiving with the Natives and they gave him America,” and stuff like what they told us in Elementary school. I think that is where people get misinformed and they say, “What are Native Americans so beat up about?” But we do a good job when we talk about Native Americans and the struggles that we have had and continue to have.
There are not a lot of Native American people in our school system, especially in teachers, and I don’t think that is the school district not hiring Natives, and I don’t think they should go out and try to force people to hire more Native American people. I think it is because the people who really are Native and maybe grew up on a reservation or had parents who did they don’t necessarily want to work here. So, yes it was pretty bad not growing with any teacher or friends who were like me, but I don’t want to say that is the fault of the school.
When I was younger I wasn’t brave enough to have pride for what I am. Now I just feel like a shame to my culture. So, I hide it from people. I know this is anonymous, but that doesn’t mean that I am still not terrified at the prospect of someone finding out it’s me. I don’t want people to know. I’m just still so ashamed in myself for not having pride from the start. If you think you know it’s me, please don’t approach me about it. I’m not ready yet."
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